Dating Someone With An Eating Disorder

Dating someone with an eating disorder, such as anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating, may expose you to issues you have not yet experienced.  Understandably, this can leave you feeling unsure of how to handle certain situations throughout the relationship.

Showing your support can be done through various approaches, and you’ve already taken a large step by reading this article!  The following are ways to continue being a supportive partner while dating someone with an eating disorder.

Show Compassion

Every relationship experiences highs and lows.  However, the ones you navigate as a partner to someone with an eating disorder are unique.  One of the best things you can initially do is show personal support to your partner.  This does not require grandiose actions.  Simply state how much you care.  Then, show you truly mean it through your actions. 

In an attempt to offer the best support to your partner, it is important to educate yourself and understand better an eating disorder. Above all, try to remember that an eating disorder is not a choice but an illness. 

There will come many instances in which they may feel discouraged by setbacks.  During these times, offer your support.  Even if you are still unsure which support may benefit them most, remain receptive to their needs in that particular moment.  Don’t neglect your needs at this time, either.  It is okay to admit that you also feel discouraged.  What matters most is that you work through these times together while remaining compassionate.

Be Aware Of Your Words And Actions

The last thing you want to do is make living with an eating disorder more difficult for your partner.  It is important to reassess the ways you have communicated in the past.  The words may have come from a place of love, however, that does not automatically mean that they were constructive to recovery.  

Even when the conversation is unrelated and not directed towards them, remain mindful of the vocabulary you use and its connotation.  While it may feel like you’re walking on eggshells at the beginning, educating yourself on proper terms and ones to avoid can be a breakthrough in itself. For instance, comments made in front of your partner about some foods being too fatty for you, will be triggering for your them. 

When voicing your concerns, rather than hone in on their food consumption or weight, use more general words about broader yet related topics.  Instead of commenting on their physical appearance, focus on their behavioural changes. For instance, you could say: “I’m really concerned as I see that meal times have been generating a lot of stress for you lately.” That type of comment will be better received compared to a more accusatory comment such as: “You have lost too much weight and you should force yourself to eat more.”.  

Perhaps there has been a change in their general demeanor, or you have noticed they are isolating themselves more than usual.  Explain that you notice these changes and are available to talk to.  Simply acknowledging that something is different can have a massive impact as your partner might not realize the detrimental impacts of those changes on their well-being especially as there is a lot of denial at the beginning of eating disorder. 

Overall, increased awareness of phrasing and the words you use can help you recognize how previous ways of speaking may have come across as judgmental.  No matter how unintentional, this can still cause harm.  What matters most now is that you are aware of it and are making the necessary changes moving forward.

Work Through Feelings

Dating someone with an eating disorder may leave you feeling like it is putting a certain strain on your relationship.  It is important not to have guilt about feeling this way or placing blame on your partner.  

If your partner is in treatment, they are undoubtedly going through many learning experiences and adjusting to new habits.  You are as well!  It is important to give your partner and yourself grace.  This can be a lifelong journey.  You owe it to yourselves to approach it with care and patience.

Part of this is listening to their feelings and giving up any semblance of control over them.  While you may approach it with the mindset of guiding them to a safer path, it is often not perceived as such.  

Asking For Support

If you need extra help for yourself or someone you care about, this does not mean you have failed.  Rather, it is merely another sign of how much you care.  It is normal to need more information and resources to handle any difficult situation.  Better yet, it is encouraged!  

There is a lot of false information being shared, especially online.  Different eating disorders require different treatments.  What someone experiences while living with Anorexia Nervosa may be completely different than what is experienced by someone diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa.  Therefore, while treatments may have some commonalities, no two are exactly the same and even individuals suffering from the same eating disorder could benefit from different approaches.  This makes speaking to a professional one of the wisest decisions you can make. 

Counselling For Those With An Eating Disorder and Their Loved Ones

Knowing how to have productive interactions with someone who has an eating disorder, while balancing everyone’s emotions, is not simple or easy.  Therapy can help you learn the proper ways of handling the emotions tied to the eating disorder and throughout recovery.

Part of this will be to have a deeper understanding of where the disorder stems from.  It’s possible that they need to have a certain level of control over situations.  And, controlling their food intake and weight is one of the ways of attaining control.  This may be tied to other feelings of anxiety and/or depression that have never been properly addressed.  Of course, this is merely one scenario out of endless possibilities.   

There are many types of counselling offered, depending on what is deemed necessary.  It can be helpful to have both individual and couples counseling with a psychologist  if your partner is open to this.  Speaking to an eating disorder nutritionist can also be extremely beneficial to help you navigate those difficult situations, depending on the relationship!

For more information on possible treatment plans and to determine which is best for your situation, please contact Nutrivie Sante today.  Our eating disorder nutritionists are available to help you at our treatment clinic. Feel free to contact us here or by calling one of our locations in Westmount (514-965-5175) or Dollard-des-Ormeaux (514-965-5175).